saffiter | To the parents of Bartosz #2

Whatever new thing you've been feeding your child in the last few weeks I would like to say this:

PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT YOU HOLD DEAR, MY NOSE HAIRS AND CHOCOLATE, CEASE AND DESIST!

It is making him exceedingly gaseous. I've been forced to relocate the class outside twice in the last week due to unpleasant odours in the classroom. While your child is talented, I'm sure, being able to clear a large classroom in less than 2 minutes through the passing of wind at the tender age of 7 is not an ability I'd encourage in a child.

It's not just myself that is having problems, either. Poor Zuzanna tried to squeeze herself through the window bars this afternoon, despite the fact that she'd never fit, in an effort to escape the stench.

If you cannont change the diet of your child I am going to have to ask you to provide each and every student in your son's class, and myself, with a gas mask. We cannot continue to spend time outside waiting for the smell to clear as it is chewing up valuable class time.

Yours in desperation,

Sheena.

Story behind this: Bartosz #2 has obviously had a change in diet. He's been farting in class and, dear lord! Does it stink, or does it stink?! I've had to take the kids outside twice in the last week because the smell is too much. How can such a bad stench come out of someone so small?! He's seven for crying out loud! He comes up to my hip and I'm not that big to begin with! And it fills the entire classroom within seconds! It's a big classroom!